so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
