You just made me feel so damn special
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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