Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
