hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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