3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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