I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
