Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
