i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
