Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
