Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
