my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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