put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ugly people sure do ruin things
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
