i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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