this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
