dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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