Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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