My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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