Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just had sex bonerless
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
