woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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