My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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