I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
