awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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