If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
