yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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