dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
