member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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