Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
