Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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