just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
