theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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