my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
