DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
