Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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