i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
