Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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