There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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