Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize