So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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