Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
