btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
FUCK WHALES
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
