Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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