I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
