i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I need moral support for this bender
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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