Even the bartender felt bad for me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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