good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
MIDGETS
????
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
