i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
