I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
