Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
