I can text with my tongue
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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