WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
