can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
