got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
