Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
