I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
