i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
