I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
