I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
