I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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