I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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