Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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