FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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