I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
