She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
