Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
