It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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