Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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