So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
