I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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