We won't sleep together?
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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