I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
