There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
