He uses pillows to masturbate.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
