wat bout pragnant strippers??
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
