im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
