can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
