yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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