he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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