Already got asked if we're dating
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
