birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
