Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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