so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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