The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
