lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
