you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
