we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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