I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
